Let me be really raw for y’all, this will be long, but it’s what has been going on in my life for the last 14 months. Have you ever just looked in the mirror and cringed at what you saw looking back? You showed so much happiness on the outside. You told everyone to do everything with a smile everyday when you signed off from work but the reality was on the inside you were dying. We get told by friends and family ‘you look amazing’ you are still beautiful but deep down you are extremely depressed with the weight you are at?
People kept telling me that ‘you are beautiful just the way you are – don’t change!’ But these people didn’t know who I was before, they didn’t see who I used to be. Because they told me not to change I began to be okay with not being happy with the way I looked. I began to be complacent with the way I looked. Complacent with not being happy. Complacent with hating me. I had mastered the art of faking it, but had I really? Had people caught on to my misery? That I do not know but I knew change needed to happen.
How could someone who was a 3 sport college athlete who was once in immaculate shape be this?! After years of not treating my body the best, having been misdiagnosed for a year and steroids wrecking havoc on body, my weight brought me to this point. My breaking point. Not only physically but mentally and emotionally. I had to do something. I had to change something. That’s when on June 1, 2020 I decided it was time to wipe the tears away and start on the journey to being who I wanted to be. Stop saying ‘I’ll start tomorrow’ and just do it. It started with just eating clean and doing at least 45 min of working out or doing something active for 2 weeks. This was two of the hardest weeks of my life. Just get started. To me, I wanted to see a change immediately and if I didn’t that meant I was failing. It was a different challenge everyday. It took my everything to stay on track. But once I found people with the same mind set it started to become easier.
I had one friend that stuck with me for 2 weeks. Then we decided to take the 2 weeks and shoot for 30 days. It takes 28 days to create a new habit. It takes one week to break it though. So 30 days turned into 90. I went for 100 days straight of changing my mindset. I missed 2 days so I made it 98/100. Not bad but to me it wasn’t good enough. I lost 25lbs. I still wasn’t where I wanted to be. So I completely changed who I was around because my interests changed. I wasn’t about drinking and going out anymore it was about becoming a better me. It was about overcoming my depression and getting myself out of a dark place and seeing me as who I wanted to be. Seeing myself for who I knew I could be.
I started to hit this plateau and I wasn’t seeing any changes and thought I was at the best I could look and I wasn’t going to change. That is when a friend took me to CrossFit, I finally caved. I said I wasn’t ever going to join because I thought I knew enough about working out. Oh was I wrong. November 1st I decided to try out CrossFit. I know it isn’t for everyone, and I get that, but CrossFit was exactly what I needed to change my life for the better. CrossFit has always had this stigmatism about it that you had to be super fit to be able to fit in and be apart of a gym. Oh was I wrong. CrossFit is so much more. It is not only highly competitive (if you make it) but it’s about family. It’s about community and supporting those around you. Form and technique to give you a foundation and just like with anything you need that foundation. You need that family – that support to accomplish whatever obstacle that stands in front of you.
Eight and a half months later I am still going nearly every day. I am down nearly 60lbs but that is not the moral of the story. I have gained my life back. I have overcame years of depression. I changed my thinking. I changed my coarse. I changed my life. I have community and encouragement. I have people who want to be apart of my life and truly care about what I am doing and push me to be better mentally, physically, and emotionally.
If you struggle with depression like I did, maybe it starts with changing who you are around. Find people who have goals just like you. If you can’t or don’t know how. I am here for you. You have to start somewhere. Start today. It won’t happen in one day or one week. It takes time. I know it’s hard. I had several moments where I wanted to quit and give up but that is where community comes in. I didn’t find my fix to my life challenges in a pill or in a bottle I found who I was in me. In who God created me to be. I found myself ready to take on any challenge that was thrown my way. Was it ever. I was prepared for something I didn’t know was coming. All of this change set me up to be able to conquer the biggest year of my adult life alone. 2021. Just like you learn in grade school every action has a reaction. My action set me up to overcome the biggest challenges I would face as an adult.
So you know you might be needing to prepare yourself for something big that could be within arms reach and you just don’t know it. Here is your chance to make a different – be the change. Dig deep. Change is possible. It starts with a mindset. Start today. I am here for you. Don’t walk this life alone.
Sincerely,
Heather
